Oh honey, we’ve all been there. We’ve all dated at least one guy who is completely clueless when it comes to fashion. We’ve all also been so deep in the ‘smitten as a kitten’ infatuation phase that we were completely blind to the fact that he’s a poor dresser.
No one blames you; the honeymoon phase goggles do that to a person. You see him as this perfect thing and your inner fashion judge gets completely tuned out. Well, we hate to break it to you, but we feel like it’s our moral obligation to. You deserve this great guy, but you also deserve to have some arm candy, so it’s high time to take the pink goggles off and see the harsh truth. Who knows, maybe these signs won’t ring a bell and you’ll discover that you’re dating the full package. If not, at least you’ll know it and you’ll be able to do something about it, so your diamond in the rough can turn into a shiny flawless non-included Tiffany-type one.
The hoodie galore
Sure, borrowing your boyfriend’s hoodie is all cute and couple-y, but have you noticed that when you open his wardrobe, instead of a nice Oxford shirt and a few other crisp ones all you see on the hangers are hoodies? Have you actually ever seen him in anything else than a plain or graphic tee and a hoodie? You put on a spectacular outfit for a date night, and he shows up in a hoodie. A walk in the park – hoodie. Netlix and chill – hoodie. Okay, hoodie is fine for that last one, but seriously hon, you need to take that man shopping and steer him in the shirt section of the store so he doesn’t end up wearing a hoodie on your wedding day. Just don’t tell him this; men tend to take this stuff very seriously, which is ironic because if they paid attention to their style as much as they get defensive about it they would wear nothing but great suits.
Nowhere in sight
Not only does he not wear or own a decent white shirt, the man is strategically avoiding the men’s suit section when you manage to drag him shopping (while he’s internally kicking and screaming).
Let’s face it, nothing makes a man look sexier or more powerful than a great, perfectly fitted suit, and beyond that, when he goes to weddings or job interviews, does he just show up in his dingy graphic tees? Boy, those are definitely not deal-sealers. If you have noticed that a suit is MIA in his closet, you need to fix this situation and pronto. Anniversaries and weddings are always around the corner, and you need to get that boy to suit up.
Lord, have mercy
There is this hilarious SNL sketch in which Margot Robbie plays a bombshell (because she isn’t one in real life) and she’s married to a guy who wears crocks with socks. Oh, and she’s a Kennedy on top of it and he’s a puppeteer. OK, we’re exaggerating a tad, but if they’re not crocks they must be a pair of really bad shoes, or even worse, Birkenstocks that he doesn’t wear stylishly with fashionable shorts, a cool white tee and killer specs but rather with jeans that were banned back in 1999, and one of those dingy shirts (we’re guessing with a print of his favorite high school band). Oh, God, this image is too disturbing to bear. Listen closely. This is a very delicate situation, so in order not to strike a nerve, we suggest you go shopping for some sneakers so you can jog together. You know, something that will ‘give him the proper sole and ankle support’. Get him into a pair of white Adidas or new and improved New Balance sneakers ASAP. If you can swing this subtly, you’re almost out of the woods.
But my dad gave me this
No matter how infatuated you are with the guy, you cannot possibly be blind to the fact that he owns a short-sleeve shirt that he probably got from his dad, or god forbid, actually purchased while being of sound mind and free will. A short-sleeve shirt, especially a polyester one with brown checks that doesn’t even fit him right is only OK if he’s a UPS carrier. In any other case, that abomination of a clothing garment has got to go. You can’t be seen in public with him wearing that, and if you already have, it’s time to do some damage control. Check out some of the latest shirt trends and buy him a few as a gift, because you’re great and you love giving him gifts. That’s the official story and you’ll stick to it.
We need to go back to those jeans
If he wears hoodies and band shirts, he simply must be pairing them with light-wash tapered jeans. Those are, how do we put this delicately, the absolute worst! Dark wash denim is the only way to go – no rips, no distressing, just a gorgeous pair of jeans that actually do his butt some justice and make him look decent. Throw in that the white shirt we discussed and you’ll have an office-ready and date-night ready boyfriend that might actually turn into arm candy after all.
P.S. Do not, we repeat, do not let him wear black socks with anything! They’re passé, they look awful and they’re simply a big no. Buy that man some playful socks with pineapples or Star Wars characters, and make sure he has a few pairs of white sports socks – he’ll need them to go with those cool sneakers.
